Handling hyperactivity

Since I was a child, thinking was like a motor that never stopped and kept getting faster. You’re given these small opportunities as a kid that determine whether they become memories or not. However, thinking back to this motor analogy, I realize that thinking so fast could make my memory untouched in places, and that I can’t remember as much as my other classmates or peers. 

I consider it an accomplishment to be halfway through this educational experience. However, failing classes during the pandemic, I do not consider an accomplishment. 

With ADHD, people have the expectation that you’re going to get distracted by a squirrel or that you’re going to have some kind of “special” ability. According to the media’s view of autism, that may include calculating numbers at a very fast speed. With ADHD there are no special traits nor superpowers. Instead, the brain gets left behind. 

I constantly feel like I’m running out of time, I can grow irritable doing any kind of work, and sometimes I speak and do things so fast that I can’t even remember what I just said or did. The struggle drains me, causing burnout and isolation. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is described to impact attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, but hyperactivity can alter due to motivation or interests.

Memorizing all of “Phantom of the Opera” and hyper fixation on the musical was more important to me than the Pythagorean Theorem. With ADHD I can ramble, yet I completely zone out when it comes to anything with vital academic importance. I have thoughts while writing this that make me talk about various experiences and struggles, but the subjects are never in order nor are they thoroughly explained because my thought process constantly switches between different subjects. This happens as a result of not wanting to forget any points I am meaning to make.

I tend to overspeak, and I talk fast. My life constantly moves in and out of anxiety, with no way to tell my story without feeling stigmatized or annoying. ADHD affects students through constant burnout, inability to focus and procrastination. These few things have contributed to my failing grades, and quarantine has made my struggle to learn much more intense. Without being in an environment where I feel fit to learn, ADHD makes it harder to grasp what is taking place in the virtual classroom. This problem contributes to the states of anxiety I mention, and these events have caused breakdowns and panic under pressure to focus more. Since focusing is inevitably hard to do, my train of thought only focuses on the thought of focusing rather than paying attention, and I miss everything that has been said or discussed. This creates a cycle which makes work more anxiety inducing and difficult.

These occasions can lead to low self-esteem, depression and confusion. I wish some teachers knew that, but I don’t expect everyone to know everything. ADHD is a barrier between myself and others, further distancing me from everyone. It’s irritable, and I have exquisite social skills that come off as “too much.” However, my ability to focus extremely hard and ability to not focus at all have a strange alchemy. Academics have never been my strong suit, yet art and creativity always have. My ability to focus on subjects always varies. I tend to zone out and think of things that I am currently hyper focused on. 

These things that I hyperfocus on can change my train of thought and distract me from school or interactions. In return, I appear lazy or ignorant, which is never my intention. ADHD also leads to impulsive behavioral traits. I often find myself saying inappropriate things out loud or impulsive shopping. The impulsivity of these thoughts and actions distract me from my day’s initial plan and cause an emotional reaction of stress or depression.

Another major factor of ADHD is discouragement. With ADHD I could be enjoying a project and in the middle of it randomly give up due to self consciousness. I can be neglectful, and forget to continue with projects or assignments. This affects both my grades and my workplace. Most teachers haven’t heard of ADHD or even thoroughly understand it. Low grades can actively demonstrate the lack of motivation in kids with ADHD and the lack of speed or understanding of the subject. This lack of motivation, as well as depression and low self esteem, can cause constant mood swings. Along with the discouragement of oneself, people with ADHD attempt to mentally plan their days so they can prepare. If plans are changed, they can easily become distraught or angry, resulting in overall sadness and confusion.

Besides constantly placing the blame on themselves, the stigma of ADHD makes everything worse. ADHD is a real thing. Regardless of how common, people need to realize that it is a serious issue that affects many lives. Due to my own ADHD, I have not been able to read a book in four years. My inattention to math has grown exponentially over time. There are so many things that my ADHD has affected, including making the negative judgment of my character climb.

I have been labeled as the r-word, chatterbox, idiot, moron and many more names. This behavior and stigma needs to be halted. People with disabilities and people with disorders are just like everyone else. There is no need for this sort of treatment, and in the end it hurts people. I hope when this pandemic ends I can feel able to focus again, but also, I hope that isolation and recent current events can help people realize that kindness is important. We should all accept one another, rather than turn each other away.